This session was a disaster from the moment I paddled out. Most of the locs that were out basically caught a wave in the moment I got out because – you guessed it – the wind was coming up again instead of glassing off, and they crew got what they wanted and were now leaving. I was literally the only loc out only about 20 minutes after I paddled out. Maybe I had a bad case of bootie stink and they all left because of that lol. Those who WERE left were the problem, not my stinky booties. There was a crew set up on the inside left area and a crew set up on the inside right area, maybe about 10 people on each side, and of course me the outside sitter, alone, on the outside, riding Gobstopper. The previous two sessions I was on 7-11. Anyway, I caught a couple of waves and instantly knew that the group on the right were sitting right in the impact and drop zone for the rights. I pointed at them and told them that they were totally in the way for the outside occasional set, but as one guy sitting outside, I guess I didn’t hold much clout. I didn’t pay the left area much attention because with an open playing field, I was taking all rights. I had about six or eight waves going after about an hour and a half or so with no competition for any outside wave that came though, usually a two or three wave set, and I was on the first or the second one each time. I was actually thinking about going in at this point because I knew no one out, again, the wind was coming up and my wave count was acceptable.
So I started looking for a left to take, which would be the only left of the day. As luck would have it, a three wave set appeared a while later and it swung a little to the north, which was perfect for going in and I started paddling and moving a bit to get the first wave. I definitely had the first wave. The pack of 10 or so on the left side of the reef started paddling north for the shoulder to dodge the set, and it was also a little darker and a little more cloudy at the time too, kinda low light. But I saw them, then looked back at the wave, I was in good position, then looked at the pack again to find a line through them. So I had a double look at the wave and the moving pack. I easily had the first wave and it was even a little bit of a late-ish drop, but not that critical. Just as I stood up and angled the board to get in, something caught my eye. This chick on a tanker 10 foot longboard had traversed (unseen by me) from the center or right area of the reef and was now crossing over to dodge to the north channel. It was like an oil tanker getting in the way of a hydroplane on Mission Bay – not good. During my two looks I never saw her in play. She appeared out of nowhere. Instantly, the situation became dire. I was committed and was already gaining speed on the drop and she was still paddling into my line, like a golfer walking on the green in front of a guy’s putt that was already rolling for the hole.
So it was instant decision time. There were two possible outcomes, one was disaster and a head on collision, the other was disaster and a head on collision, which didn’t leave much…negotiation in my brain. Except exactly HOW I was going to run her over. There were two choices there. The first was to just plain run into her at full speed and cut her in half and rip all three fins out of my semi-new board, and the second became clear – abandon ship, kick the board away, and pray. In the span of traveling one surfboard length, the decision was made, and in the span of one more surfboard length of distance traveled, I put the plan into action. Some people question why I use an 8, 9, 10 foot leash. Well, this is the situation it comes in handy.
So here’s what happened. I waited until the last second like I was going to run her over. She abandoned ship and went under like a frightened sea otter. A third surfboard length later I popped a wheelie and slammed on the brakes on the back of the board, popped the board out of the water, watched it shoot into the air, kissed my ass goodbye and did a cannon ball dismount and landed RIGHT on top of the chick underwater with all 200 pounds of my body weight like, in two seconds. I’m not kidding. I figured it was better to do a body slam than to crash board into board. I saw the human collision coming. And it happened. Then the wave rolled us, and we were completely tangled up underwater and got hosed by the next two waves as well. I would say about 20 people saw this happen. It happened in like, three seconds. How embarrassing.
Miraculously, no one was hurt, but the boards and leashes were completely wango-tangled together cause they got rolled for three waves too. We both had to take our leashes off to disconnect. Nobody said much of nothin’ – there really wasn’t nothin’ anyone could do. Believe me if I could have straightened out or gone around her I most certainly would have – but it was such a perfect collision course it was like watching a movie in slow motion. And basically it was only three surfboard lengths traveled to make the decision, so it had to be instant, like maybe it took two seconds to realize I had to bail, pop the board away to protect both boards and people, cannonball jump, and pray.
Then of course I paddled back outside to do the post traumatic stress disorder inspection of my board to see how many holes, dings, rail fin gashes and missing fins might have occurred. The only thing noted on the report was that there was wax all over the top tips of my fins, and that was it. LOTS of wax, lol. So my board probably actually mighta shot across her deck like a speeding bullet after I abandoned ship, like I thought it might do. Or hoped that it would do. I guess it did.
Shortly thereafter, I caught a RIGHT and traversed the boil and paddled over to the stairs. Everyone scampered out of the
way and gave me lots of room to work with. I was outta there.